So, on my interweb dating profile, I have Hanson listed as one of my favourite bands. This does a stellar and immediate job of exposing the pretentious twatwads, as they’re the ones whose e-forays open with ‘YOU SEEMED COOL UNTIL YOU MENTIONED HANSON HAR HAR’ — and then, delightfully, continue on with whatever drivel they were spouting about themselves, which generally boils down to ‘I like stuff, and sometimes things, but also, like, whatever’, which I hope causes at least some of them concern as regards their lifestyles, but probably doesn’t. Which depresses me greatly, but isn’t my point.
I never know quite what to do with these people. Do they really think that insulting something I like is going to endear them to me? Is it a Barney Stinson imply-she’s-ugly-to-keep-her-needy thing? I love NPH like birthdays love cake, but mocking my taste in music before you know my name doesn’t bode well for our future road trips, Potential Date. Which is also not my point.
So here it is: humanity, your preconceptions and narrow-minded views are lame.
And, in this case, don’t even make SENSE. Would it not be reasonable to assume that if someone, as a child, was talented enough to write and perform a very catchy pop song, that perhaps – just perhaps! – they would GET BETTER as they got older? That there have been 13 WHOLE YEARS between Mmmbop and now, and perhaps Hanson used that time to grow up? To further develop as musicians and as people? To GO THROUGH PUBERTY?
Look, I get the stigma with the JoBros and associated Disney commodities, who (I understand) are essentially shiny-haired puppets in tight jeans, but Hanson weren’t manufactured. They’re not cracked out or cracking up. They’ve been writing and performing solid pop songs for a VERY LONG TIME and they’re pretty gosh darn good at it! Time passes at pretty much the same rate everywhere, as is its wont, so they’re adults now, with wives and children and silly facial hair — and yet the world is still collectively certain that their voices never broke. I’d bet a non-essential organ that none of these e-guys have even HEARD a Hanson song since 1997, but they’re all perfectly comfortable in judging me for enjoying them.
And sure, you either like upbeat pop with big choruses and clap tracks and gospelicious harmonies and sweeping, extravagant bridges or you don’t — but I do. I love all of those things, and I love them done by Hanson, so if you actually want to get to know me, maybe you should consider BACKING OFF MY SHIT! I’ve seen them perform three times, in three different countries, and they’re wonderful live. And nice. And approachable and passionate and have very nice skin, and take being told they’re fucking amazing by drunk, grabby Kiwi girls with truly exceptional aplomb.
(Look, it was 2004. Tequila had been taken.)
I’m not actually intending to try and convince the internet to listen to Hanson — just questioning why NEGATIVE has to be our species’ default setting. DIFFERENT doesn’t have to be BAD! You don’t have to like what I like, or do what I do — in fact, I don’t recommend it. The writing part is, like, HARD, and I freely admit to also enjoying The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, and Cicadas, and pulling the tufts of fur between cats’ toes, and chocolate sauce on pizza — but why you gotta KNOCK IT BEFORE YOU’VE TRIED IT, Y’ALL?
I’d like to hope that if a nice internet profile told me he enjoyed Tuvan throat singing or playing the didgeridoo, I’d be willing to keep an open mind despite my lack of experience in such matters. It might turn out not to be my bag — let’s face it, it’s PROBABLY not my bag — but that doesn’t mean it’s not a valid bag. Why can’t we all just let everyone do whatever it is that makes them happy (as long as that’s not drowning kittens or pushing old ladies down stairs) without feeling the need to pass judgement or get all up in each others’ business? If I was feeling more ambitious (or crazy!) I would go so far as to attempt to make some kind of comparison between the way humanity loves to snap-judge and put down and draw lines with the current position of organised religion on certain key issues (also, the ratings of Supernatural), specifically as regards what Jesus INTENDED with the do-unto-others-ing, and what history has chosen to take from it.
YES, THAT JUST HAPPENED. Dislike of Hanson = oppression of the masses. SNAP, WORLD. YOU’RE MAKING ME CRAZY.
Kelly emailed me just before all WHY CAN’T PEOPLE ALL JUST BE NICE, AND GET OUT OF MY FACE? Which just about sums it up, globally.
EDIT! Now with audio visual aids!
Change in my life – yes, a cover, but a VERY PRETTY COVER. In person this gave me chills. CHILLS, I TELL YOU.
And the video for Great Divide, from ’07 album The Walk. It’s fun! And it has a MESSAGE! Hanson are not only super duper grade A auditory awesome, have their own label and NEVER FAIL to brighten my mood, but do some truly delicious charity work as well.
They’re way cooler than you, that’s all I’m saying.