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In which I am totally useless at existing

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This morning I poured my coffee on my cereal instead of into my waiting mug. Again. I ate it, because I figured it was all going to the same place anyway and I’m pretty cheap about that sort of thing, but WELCOME TO MY FREAKING LIFE.

On Sunday I knocked a pan off the stove onto the cats’ bowl, which broke. Saturday night I stood on my sunglasses AND smashed a glass. The second thing was probably good, since the glass in question was full of what was being loosely referred to as ‘punch’ but was probably closer in chemical makeup to antifreeze, and I was already at the standing-on-my-sunglasses level of intoxication, but

… WAIT!

OH MY SWEET LORD. OH MY!

I was about to launch into a rant about how the sunglasses were my favourite Anthropologie ones, and now I’m destined for a life of squinting while driving because Anthropologie are the kind of assholes who’ll ship to Nigeria but pretend New Zealand doesn’t exist and I’ll never get any more Anthropologie stuff even though sometimes I go to their website and make wish lists and email them to myself just for fun, and when I reminisce about LA it’s like 99% how there was a sale at the Anthropologie at The Grove the day I was there (and like half a percent each on 99c punnets of fresh raspberries and how much the Silver Bullet makes you barf if you do it like six times in a row) AND THEN I WENT TO THEIR WEBSITE, AND THEY SHIP TO NEW ZEALAND.

OH INTERNETS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

MY LIFE, IT IS COMPLETE. MY SOUL, IT SINGS! MY CREDIT CARD, IT HURTS!

I was going to do a greasy boyfriends bracket, because I feel it’s needed after this Jericho kick I’m on eclipsed the Being Human kick I was on before that. But that can happen after I’ve emptied my savings at the internet!!!

OH HAPPY DAY!

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Writer of things. Annoyer of cats.

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