PS I was just kidding earlier: I don’t have any savings! It’s the day before pay day and I have a buck ninety to my name, but my cart has over $1500 of imaginary purchases in it now anyway, and I will sleep happily tonight, dreaming of the pretty things I will still never have but now COULD if I, say, gave up eating.
Okay. Onwards. Let’s talk about GREASY BOYFRIENDS. It’s long been known amongst those who move in my circles that I’m a tiny bit partial to the unwashed man. The full-on bearded variety is my favourite, but I’ll take greasy-haired, dirty-nailed, bleeding or scarred. I especially like it if they accidentally kill people and/or cry a lot. Just how I roll.
Lately I’ve been re-watching Jericho (as part of my post-apocalyptic scenario research kick) and it has reminded me of my love for Jake Green, aka the deliciously dirty-looking Skeet Ulrich. He of the sad eyes and grimy fingers.
Pros: Frequently injured. Generally looks cold and/or homeless. Manly crier.
Cons: Canceled by CBS. Picked the willowy blonde over the sassy brunette. Nuclear winter.
THE REIGNING CHAMP
However, I’m not convinced he can compete with John Mitchell — a grubby Irish vampire who rarely washes his hair and struggles to pronounce ‘th’. He also goes all sorts of crazy for blood. Most of the time he’s a good guy with an addiction he regularly fails to manage, and then he gets all sexy and toothy and kills a bunch of people. And he’s a SUPER MESSY EATER.
BUT LOOK AT THIS FACE:
SWOON. I WOULD LET HIM TAKE A NIBBLE, Y’ALL.
You probably haven’t seen this show, and I don’t blame you — I didn’t trust the BBC to dish me up anything but my comedy either, but Being Human is SERIOUSLY AWESOME. Nerd werewolf = best ever. Buy the DVDs at once! Pirate that shit if you have to.
Pros: Gets sweaty and desperate around a pulsing neck vein. Rocks the fingerless gloves.
Cons: Will take a bath in your blood. Has no reflection, so is unable to tell how badly he needs a haircut.
THE CUTE ONE
Oh, Finn Hudson as played by Cory Monteith! With your songs and your lanky, super-enthusiastic dancing. I WANT TO EAT YOU UP. But dude is kinda clean cut!, you’re saying. What is your thought process, woman!
Basically: he’s huge. And bearlike. And always looks unkempt and vaguely like his last shower was yesterday, and he’s just come from practicing some form of contact sport, after which he did not wash his hands.
Pros: SINGS AND DANCES. Verging on Padalecki-level huge. Super adorable teeth.
Cons: Not legal in some countries.