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Oh my God, it’s September? UNCOOL, WORLD.

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I’m having a spazzy day. I’m skipping over work like stones on a lake, bouncing off things and achieving nothing. My to-do list was abandoned mid-word; my last email mid-sentence. I keep leaving my lunch and coming back to it. Mouthful. Click on something. Wander off. Drink. Back to my lunch.

I need to run it out or write it out, but I don’t feel like doing either. Physically, I think I could fly apart at any minute, like my skin isn’t containing my insides anymore. I feel like I have a halo of wasted energy; a smudgy glow-in-the-dark outline. I’m pretty sure it would power your smaller appliances.

And… I just tipped my water all over the copy-edits of the document I’m laying out. Point made. Mess made. Where did my lunch get to?

—–

SEVERAL HOURS LATER:

Oh, right, this is what I was doing! Let’s talk about last weekend, also known as the Weekend of Stupid Rules. Because I said so, and today I don’t have to segue with any sense.

LIBRARY GUY: You can’t bring coffee into the library.
ME: But you have a café in the library.
LIBRARY GUY: I know. It’s just the rules.
ME: I’ve been taking coffee to other libraries without incident for several years now. I’m not even going to touch a book – I just need somewhere to write.
LG: Too bad. No coffee in the library.
ME: I assume there’s coffee IN THE CAFÉ?
LG: Yeah.
ME: Fine. I’m going to the café.
LG: You can’t…
Me: IF YOU TELL ME I CAN’T TAKE MY COFFEE TO THE CAFÉ, I WILL END YOU.
LG: Have a nice day.

PERSON ON DOORS AT CONCERT: There’s no pass outs.
US: We’re waiting on someone and all four of us are on this one ticket. Someone just needs to come downstairs and hand them the ticket when they arrive.
PODAC: No pass outs.
US: We don’t want to go OUT, just downstairs.
PODAC: No pass outs.
US: Will you hold the ticket for them, then?
PODAC: No. That will hold the line up.
US: You mean UNLIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
PODAC: One of you has to wait on this side of me until they arrive.
US: Yes. THAT makes way more sense.

WAITRESS: You can’t move that chair.
US: We moved it less than a foot.
WAITRESS: It’s a hazard.
US: There’s no one else here.

SHOP EMPLOYEE: You can’t bring your drink into the store.
ME: But your store sells food.
SE: It’s the rules.
ME: Wanna see something cool?

And then I killed her. True story.

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Writer of things. Annoyer of cats.

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