Oh my God, internet! I’m not dead, I’m just busy. IT SUCKS. I MISS YOU.

I just sent out the final draft of our Annual Report, which I thought I would be able to do much, much earlier, before I spent TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS MAKING VANITY COPY-EDITS, and blew my brains out. (I don’t write it, for the record. I just lay it out.)

Now I’m sitting at my desk and vibrating like a vibrating thing (a vibrating thing that’s not at all like a vibrator. That would be inappropriate. Hi Mum!), and eating risotto at a speed that would make a nutritionist cry. SO LET’S TALK. I need to burn off some mental energy before yoga.

However, I don’t have anything in particular to say, so I asked the internet (that’s you!) for TOPICS.

Here are some of those.

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iPod on shuffle. First 15 songs.

1. A Thousand Pieces – Editors
2. The Small Print – Muse
3. The Captive Mind – The Helio Sequence
4. Even If – The Honorary Title
5. Butcher Blues – Kasabian
6. Substitution – Silversun Pickups
7. Use Somebody – Kings of Leon
8. Would – Alice In Chains
9. 10:03 – Doves
10. Bust Your Windows – Glee
11. Can’t Get A Read On You – Tinted Windows
12. Once Things Look Up – The Like
13. Evil Urges – My Morning Jacket
14. Lampposts – Bell X1
15. Wait for the Summer – Yeasayer

(NB: I am cheating a little. Since my 60gb died a hideous death, I’ve been using a 4gb nano and rotating music depending on my mood. This means that with the exception of too many Glee songs and a bunch of audiobooks, everything on there right now is pretty respectable. If this was my entire iTunes, you would ALL BE VERY AFRAID. But it’s not, so huzzah! I WIN AGAIN.)

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The Hobbit

Several people asked my thoughts on The Hobbit, which is unfortunate since I don’t have any.

Oh wait, I have one: AIDAN TURNER!!!!!

Corollary statement: OM NOM NOM.

The end.

And no, Alison, I won’t be stalking him. I am not a STALKER. I’m just LUCKY. Sometimes, film sets and/or relevant celebrity boyfriends just APPEAR BEFORE MY EYES, where I charm them with my wacky accent and convince them to let me release their albums, or whatever. It is NOT THE SAME.

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Why cats are better

I find dogs intimidating. Not because they’re big or slobbery or require a lot of work, but because they’re NEEDY. I feel guilty just LOOKING at a dog. Every dog alive wants more from me than I feel capable of giving it. (And if I ever get a therapist, that sentence is probably all they’re going to need.) They’re all LOVE ME? PLAY WITH ME? HANG OUT WITH ME? And I’m all YOU ARE SMOTHERING ME HERE, FIDO. PLEASE BACK IT UP.

Cats are better because they make you WORK for it. I like to earn every scrap of affection I get. I also like to pull on the fur between their toes, and otherwise annoy them until they lash out and try to escape, at which point I subdue them and shower them with kisses until I feel their kitty will break. Everyone needs hobbies.

I also like to be intimately acquainted with what’s inside birds, and the feeling of dead mouse between my unsuspecting toes.

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Yoga time! Tomorrow I will tackle your SERIOUS TOPICS! It will be VERY EXCITING. Or a HUGE LETDOWN. Either way, I am going to FILL UP YOUR READERS. Or browsers. However you roll, internet, I WILL BE THERE.